Dear nameless intern,

A previous nameless intern handled all this stuff for me, he left these notes on way out after saying something about how “My name is brad” or something IDK maybe it was chad? Anyway I couldn’t really be bothered to read it. Just read whatever it says back to them and smile.

1. They probably just wrote URL wrong or something like that, just have them retype it until it works.

2. Damn, I may have moved it and forgotten to fix the link… I can’t keep track of all the links with these absurd portfolio redesigns each year Andrew was having me do for free “Brad make the jokes funnier”, “Chad align the logos” “Thad I need this by Monday. And my name is Ian anyway. Anyway just ignore it and put a password lock and stuff that’s broken so they go away.

3. Worst case just make a funny joke on the 404 page. If they laugh or something then they won’t leave an email saying it’s broken and I won’t get chewed out like Emily did for using #000000 on primary button instead #1C1C1C… I think I just got chills.

4. I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit, I’m gonna quit

5. If they ask about the broken links, just tell them it’s an avant-garde design choice. If they don’t get it then Andrew says they aren’t our target audience anyway.

6. For any complaints about page load times, just blame it on their internet connections. It’s a classic move and works like a charm. Besides I get sub 8ms ping on my league of legends and CS-GO games in here so it honestly is probably them.

7. If someone points out a typo, claim it’s an easter egg. People love those, and it makes them feel special for finding it. Freaking bozos

8. I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure, I’m gonna quit this time for sure,

9. Should they notice any weird formatting, say it’s a new experimental layout inspired by Bauhaus principles or some shit designing for devices is hard and Andrew makes us do it on Apples magic track pad for “the office aesthetic”. I think I’m getting carpal tunnel from it.

10. For any issues on specifically mobile responsiveness ask what device their using. If its anything but the latest, assure them it’s optimized for the latest smartphone model. Andrew says if they’re on anything else, it’s time for an upgrade. If they’re on the latest, tell them it’s a recent bug from the manufacturer and that’s the risk they get for using the latest.

11. Should they complain about the color scheme, delete the email. And for the love of god DON’T tell Andrew.